Classic Lolsuits: Kid Edition, Part 1

Do you know how boring it must have been for kids fifty or a hundred years ago? Hell, it was pretty boring being a kid in 1988. I literally used to just run around in my yard and hit things with sticks. (Admittedly, this had less to do with the year and more to do with my lack of friends, sports equipment, and creativity.) I'm just saying I never had the opportunity to Tweet "Woot! Bangin' stix!" or "Hangin' w/ cows again...ne1 else live here?" But whatever. At least I still had a (pre-remote control, no-cable-getting) TV and an Atari. What do you have if you're a kid growing up back then? Not a damn thing. And that's why you hurt yourself and others.

A good illustration of this is Vosburg v. Putney, a Wisconsin Supreme Court case from 1891. Vosburg's father worked for Putney's father, and Putney got in a fight with Vosburg because he was bored and didn't like poor people (actually the story goes that they were fighting over a book, but I'm not sure what the poor son of a lumberyard worker needs with a book, if you know what I mean). So while the two of them were sitting in class one day, Putney kicked Vosburg in the shin and Vosburg's shin exploded or something. I'm not sure "exploded" is the proper medical term, but suffice it to say he could never use the leg again. In fact, his sister had to convince the doctor not to cut it off. (Which I guess didn't need to be removed, but would have made a great addition to the doctor's limb collection at home. "Boy leg, check." But it was not to be.)

A few potentially mitigating factors here: some accounts have it that Putney only "tapped" Vosburg, which would make sense because you don't want some poor kid's shin scuffing up your new leather shoes. Not only that, I'm sure Putney assumed Vosburg had taken at least three months of karate lessons. As it turns out though, it doesn't matter; battery is battery, and if you give someone an unwanted "tap" and a limb falls off, you have to pay--even if it only seems like a scratch at first.

As a fun side note, the judge said that if the whole thing had happened on the playground then there would be no liability: "Had the parties been upon the play-grounds of the school, engaged in the usual boyish sports [shin kick derby], the defendant being free from malice, wantonness, or negligence, and intending no harm to plaintiff in what he did [last one to kick your partner in the shin is a silly goose!], we should hesitate to hold the act of the defendant unlawful, or that he could be held liable in this action. Some consideration is due to the implied license of the play-grounds.[i.e. a license to kick the shit out of everyone until their legs fall off]"

This is still basically the law today. It's called the "eggshell skull" rule, so don't let your kids play with any egg children. You will definitely get sued.